Hit the Ground Running

I apologize that it has been awhile since I've written.  Life has a way of catching up and overwhelming you.  I feel like I've been swallowed by a monsoon wave!  School has been going so well, but I must admit I have put much less attention and ambition into then I normally would have.  Sometimes, the idea of the future can pull you down because of fear and insecurity.  A lot of times, I doubt my ability to succeed, but yet I know that if I really set my mind to it, I could do anything.  But I'm afraid of failing, and sometimes it seems like it would be safer to not even try. 
But I know that's not the answer.  Deep down, I know my dreams aren't so big and impossible they are out of my reach.  I know what I want, I just am not sure how to go get it.  I wonder over and over if making one bad decision like picking the wrong school will mess up my entire future.  But I know, I know...God knows the future and has it all under control.  But I must admit that often times I doubt his control too.  I've seen my world spiral out of control before and sometimes I wonder why God didn't have his hand on that.  But...HE DID.  I know it in my head, my heart can be a little slow.
So I've made a commitment lately to going after what it is I feel I am supposed to in order to become who I think God has made me to be.  I want to make a difference, and sometimes the only way to make a difference is to put yourself in uncomfortable circumstances so that in the end you can be a blessing and make a difference in the world.  So I am running full speed into the future and I just keep praying that when God wants to stop me, he slams the door so hard there is no doubt.  That is the only way I'll know for sure that God has another plan for me, head hitting a door. 
I also must admit that sometimes I'm afraid, what if God has other plans for me then what I desire?  I know that I am good at what I am working towards, it seems to be a gift of mine.  But what if even though it's my gift, I'll never actually be able to use it?  That scares me.  I want to use it, I want to be someone who knows who they are and is confident in their abilities.  But it is so hard sometimes.  So for now, I'm running, and praying, and hoping that sometime soon I'll know what it is I'm supposed to do and how I'm supposed to do it.  Because right now I feel like I'm floundering and stumbling my way through trying to figure life out.